remix 041 ~ cold

by

6

inspired by “ladymorgaine81” :: original post
remixed image by “xjaymanx” :: added after composition


cold

i feel cold

not bad
not angry
not sad
not depressed
not low
not any of that

just

cold

i still hold true to my ideas of Silent Apathy
i’m not someone they particularly care about anyway
i’ve always known that’s how it always was
i didn’t get it then, it’s still the wrong term

but i understand now

perhaps Silent Apathy
isn’t really holding to how i am
it implies a deliberate ignorance on my part
at any rate, i can’t deliberately ignore

but i can stay away

she doesn’t need to hear from me
she doesn’t want to

but i will send it out

one last message before
she becomes a background figure

you don’t like it
i don’t care
i can’t help it
i am who i am
i’m a watcher
i keep track
i pay attention
and i guard

no amount of ranting will change that

6 thoughts on “remix 041 ~ cold”

  1. I just googled my name again… ALOT more came up this time. Including this. I’d forgotten about this one. It’s nice. ;-)

  2. yeah, it is ;)… so from what i gather, you’re deleting all of your googled posts?… both bad and good ones?

  3. No no… not deleting ’em. (Well, no, I did delete that one bad_sex post…..), but I pretty much just made everything friends-only. So even if they can see a blurb on google, they don’t have access to the posts themselves. Besides, alot of what ended up coming up is how I’m a member in bunches of communities, and that my user name pops up on a few LJ profiles. The only profiles I remember popping up this time was you, dragons_scar, and maneman. Last time I googled, it was just you. (Weird…)

  4. hmmm, weird… the only thing i can think of is that i friended first, and the others came later…

  5. Of the three, yes, you did. But then I’ve gotta wonder why redheadwtattoos, nightwriter4781, and a few others didn’t pop up too. (Well, nightwriter hasn’t posted in forever…. and redhead posts rarely… maybe it’s a usage thing as well)

  6. interesting… maybe not usage per se (since it wouldn’t affect the userinfo page, would it?)… but maybe edits/updates to the userinfo page itself… i know i’ve done that a few times per year…

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