Blog 188 > Kanons, Pirates & Bloodbaths

Greetings, my friendly neighborhood Toyboxers! Welcome to yet another weekly mega-broadcast from the Toybox! But beware. This time, I should warn you of the more bloody and sexy nature of the topics which swirl in the digital waters below, lol. Are you ready? Ready for this four-part monster post? Messy junior-high blood battles? Sticky flesh-on-flesh pirate hunters? Snowy high-school Kanon girls? And Disney-bioengineered teen idols? Well, if you are, and you ignore my warnings, I salute your bravery. And your lack of morals, haha! Just kidding. I truly welcome you. I’m not sure if I’ll have another “Question of the Week”, but who cares? Just grab some utterly buttery popcorn, take another deep breath, and enjoy the show…

Part 1 of 4. Junior High Bloodbath. Ah, finally! After several *years* in my Netflix DVD rental queue, and after last month’s enthusiastic prodding by Meimi132-chan, I finally watched the controversial Japanese film “Battle Royale” (2000) this past Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Am I the last otaku to watch this? LOL, here’s the iconic logo for the “Battle Royale Survival Program”. Such a blood-red on death-black design!

In fact, crossing back-and-forth several times between her post and mine, here’s our blog-versation more than a week ago.

Meimi132 @xJaymanx: And seriously? Not one Beat Takeshi? Ever? You have to have seen Battle Royale!! Haven’t you?? He’s in that….not technically his movie is it? I dunno… If you haven’t seen that yet, you NEED to see it. NOW, go buy it or download it or whatever, just watch it! I’ve had it on dvd for 6 years+ (wow….long time… I was 13 when I got it lol…its an 18 in the UK lol, saw it on late night ch4 and loved it.) I am in dire need of a new copy actually, the center of disc 1 has cracked… still plays fine, but its cracked, which is the beginning of the end in DVD life terms…. Its cos I lent it to people… and they didnt take proper care of it…. otherwise it would be in perfect condition, like all my dvds…. I wouldn’t buy a DVD unless I really loved it… or it was uber-cheap in a sale lol, and even then, it deserves to be looked after, like any posession, ne? Oooooo I seem to have gone on a tagent also lol. DVD rant lol.

xJAYMANx @M-chan: But funny u should mention “Battle Royale”. That’s been on my Netflix DVD rental queue for ages, if not years! But not seen yet! Okay-okay, I’ll bump it up above my Jackie Chan and lorry-loads of anime, lol… When u buy a new copy, maybe there’s a Special Collector’s Edition out? Ahh, just checked Amazon~ Yes, there is! Perfect! There’s an Uncut Special Edition! For hardly 10 quid. Now what did I just say? ^o^

Meimi132 @xJaymanx: And you do need to watch Battle Royale lol, wouldn’t worry so much about the second one, but the first one is awesome. Shuya Nanahara is played by the same actor who played Raito Yagami in Deathnote. Cos he is one of the only Japanese actors I remember alot he was my first choice for Raito when I heard they were making a DN movie lol.

xJAYMANx @M-chan:Right-right, I know, I know, lol. Already bumped “Royale” from #10 to #1 in my rental queue (might’ve been #50 at one time, haha). So depending on how fast I watch and return my current Jackie Chan DVD, they should ship “Royale” to me in about a week. Good enuff? Ahhh, I’ve seen those “Death Note” films, so I should easily recognize that *wimpy* (yup, wimpy) Shuya by face, if not by name, lol. Hehe, nice… Special Edition, FTW!

So here’s the *lucky* junior-high class chosen for the Program.

And without spoiling it too much, here are a few scenes from the first 19 minutes of the film. Just a bloody taste of this Japanese cult classic!









Like I said, that’s only in the first 19 minutes of the film! Freaking shocking! Especially for me. I threw the DVD into the player without any expectations. Since I’m familiar with the term “battle royale” from my adolescent days of following pro wrestling, I thought it would be just like that. Just a bunch of people battling it out. Like simple hand-to-hand combat. That’s all. No blood, no death, no harm. Damn, I couldn’t be more wrong, lol. Yet as one who rarely watches these types of films, despite all that, I’m still giving this film 4 out of 5 stars! Bloody unexpected!

Part 2 of 4. Pirates of the Fornication. Beware! From ugly violence to utter sex, we enter the world of adult films, lol. Now as one who regularly downloads music, sci-fi and anime from the world wide web, the title “Pirates XXX” has popped up on numerous occasions. And favorably so. Whoa, curious! So why not download it? That was last December. After finishing “Battle Royale” this past Friday, I finally took a sneaking peek at “Pirates XXX” (2005). And while I’ve only seen the first half of it as I write this, if you pardon the expression, I was blown away, lol. If you choose to purchase the film (which I didn’t), here’s the stunning cover of the DVD below.

After watching the first hour, I was surprised by the big-budget quality for an adult film! None of that shaky home-video crap, lol. Plus, while maybe 90% of the total time in a typical American or Japanese AV (adult video) may be comprised of sexual acts, I’d say no more than 25% of “Pirates XXX” portrayed sex scenes. Definitely unusual! Yeah, of course, there were the usual set of bad actresses, but there were some pretty convincing even comedic actors too! And quite a few well-chosen extras to complete the look and atmosphere without requiring any sexual play. Not to mention the fairly decent use of ship-and-sea special effects! Yup, special effects, lol.

In fact, upon further research, I discovered that in 2005, “Pirates XXX” (Wiki) was the most expensive pornographic film in history. At a cost of over $1 million USD. And I admit, it really shows. Since then, it has earned dozens of awards (link NSFW) across all categories. “The best-selling, most award-winning adult film of all time, with over 40 international awards and 14 AVN Awards.” No wonder it’s one of the most celebrated adult films in history! There’s even an edited R-rated version, lol. After I finish this huge-ass mega-post, I should finish the second hour, hahaha.

But not only that, an even bigger sequel was released in 2008! And according to the “Pirates XXX” official website (link NSFW), the sequel “Pirates II: Stagnetti’s Revenge” (Wiki) cost ten times the previous budget! That means $10 million USD, obliterating the previous record of the first film! Do I sound impressed? LOL, who cares if I never saw Johnny Depp’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” trilogy? LOL, here’s the even-more-stunning cover of the DVD sequel below.

Damn, French-Vietnamese porn actress Katsuni (Wiki) below looks strikingly deadly in this official wallpaper. Can’t wait to see that one too, lol.

Wow, even if you’re not a fan of adult films, check out the blockbuster-level quality of the sequel’s trailer on the official website (link NSFW). Between the sex frames, notice the drama, humor, music and special effects! This definitely ain’t your grandpa’s porn anymore, lol.

Part 3 of 4. Gals of Kanon. Hahaha, time for the main event! We now jump from one form of adult entertainment to figures based on another form of adult entertainment! Triggered by yet another blog-versation with Meimi132-chan last week, I finally found some precious time to undertake a massive four-figure photoshoot with none other than the unforgettable girls of the “Kanon” adult visual novel and anime series.

Meimi132 @xJaymanx: You were going to do a Kanon photoshoot? But didn’t??? Do it! Do it now!!! The Koto Ayu is lovely, and cos it has Taikyaki it’s extra sweet. But the fact that the MF is from the op titles, and it looks soooooooo much like it, I can’t help but love it more. I usually love Koto figures most, but in Kanons case its gotta be MF.

Sorry, M-chan, but I gotta disagree, lol. Kotobukiya rules the “Kanon” series. Although I must agree that Max Factory’s red-headed “Makoto” is probably the sweetest of the bunch. Then again, the others aren’t too shabby either! In this snowy 63-shot photoshoot, let’s welcome my newly opened (and quickly reboxed) “Kanon” gals, haha. First, hopping along in her yellow snowcoat below, is little auburn-haired Ayu (Kotobukiya, 1/8th-scale), my 64th figure in August 2007.

Second, standing tall in her red short-skirted school uniform, is blue-haired Nayuki (Kotobukiya, 1/8th-scale), my 63rd figure in August 2007.



Hahaha, Ayu can’t seem to decide which way she wants to run!









Third, crouching quietly with her supernatural sword, is raven-haired Mai (Kotobukiya, 1/8th-scale), my 61st figure in July 2007. For some reason, the shape of her pose makes it a bit tougher to photograph. Artistically speaking, that is, lol.





Ah, three of the girls manage to gather together.






Finally, smiling in her blue jacket and red ribbons, is orange-haired Makoto (Max Factory, 1/8th-scale), my 74th figure in March 2008. Sweet, isn’t she?






Yeah, I know, couldn’t help it. The fan service is for my fellow Toyboxers! I swear!





Awww, this shot of Ayu with her taiyaki (below) is adorable.



At last! All four girls decide to pose together. Though Mai seems a bit protective, lol.











Nayuki casts an amused yet watchful eye, lol.



LOL, run away! Run away!








Okay Ayu, time to go home now! Let’s go!



Wow, that’s it! Out of 100+ original shots, these were the top-63 mesmerizing pics! Almost impossible to narrow it down further, lol. Don’t believe me? Then let me ask you this. Can you pick your top-10 favorites from the bunch? In only 10 minutes? LOL, exactly. Hmm, interesting. I didn’t prepare a “Question of the Week”, but if I had to find one immediately, here it is. Which are your top-3 favorite photos from this photoshoot? Simply hover or click to get the four-digit photo ID, hehe.

Part 4 of 4. Disney Genetic Lab. Whew! Almost done! Here’s the random topic of the week, lol. Last week, Coco-chan and I wandered into an amusing blog-versation involving cute idols, mecha pilots and creepy genetically-engineered clones. Especially if they’re all the same thing! Created by a Disney Genetic Laboratory! Hahaha!

Coco the Bean @xjaymanx: And yup, it was just a game until Xenoglossia. I think most of the game’s fans refuse to acknowledge the existence of the series because the characters didn’t stay true to the original, and the fact that they turned a game about cute idols into a story with angsty mecha pilots lol.

xJAYMANx @Coco-chan: Wait a sec~ Are u saying that cute idols aren’t automatically angsty mecha pilots? Not the same thing? Really? >_<

Coco the Bean @xjaymanx: Cute idols are probably all pilots working for a top-secret government agency. And are genetically engineered for it. Where do you think all the cuteness comes from? :O

xJAYMANx @Coco-chan: Hehe, thanx, I guess I have no choice. Gotta add it to my list! But your “cute idol, secret agent” theory, that might explain Miley Cyrus, right? Or Britney’s little sister is actually her bio-engineered clone? LOL!

Coco the Bean @xjaymanx: Disney stars are all genetically engineered!

And speaking of Miley Cyrus, it seems like everyone around me keeps bumping into her at restaurants. And it’s just her, no other celebrities. Maybe she has multiple clones?

xJAYMANx @Coco-chan: Hahahaha, I knew it! That is freakin’ hilarious! … Awesome. How? Where did u find this? If I remember in time, maybe I’ll add to my next mega-post…

Lo and behold, here’s the YouTube video of the not-so-secret Disney Genetic Laboratory! Don’t worry, both hilarious screenshots link to the same video, hehe.

Yup, Zac Efron was genetically engineered by Disney!

With that, I bid you adieu. Were you prepared for the more bloody and sexy nature of the topics presented? Did you enjoy the messy junior-high blood battles? Sticky flesh-on-flesh pirate hunters? Snowy high-school Kanon girls? And Disney-bioengineered teen idols? Hahaha, well, you’re braver than I thought! And less moral too, lol. Thanx for reading, watching and hopefully laughing. Don’t forget my last-minute “Question of the Week”, okay? And if you have any left, can I grab the rest of your utterly buttery popcorn?

56 thoughts on “Blog 188 > Kanons, Pirates & Bloodbaths

  1. Hehe, it’s more of a ‘hrm I’ve been looking around at other blogs (-cough- Also my own XD) and it’s such a surprise to see such a long post!’ kind of ‘such a long post!’ comment.

    …If that was even coherent enough to be understood. -wry-

    Also, I have to admit I’m not otaku enough — I seem to have a problem with the login. :( Neh mind! I can still feed my way into individual pages! Ahaha. :)

    Hmm I think I had that copy paste thing when I made a webpage with Word (never more.)…and with Frontpage. All sorts of rubbish inserted in it. That’s why I still prefer notepad. XD Ah, I remember when I hardcoded updates to my blog…ahaha.

    Jenn´s last blog post > Kadokawa’s Haruhi-chan..

  2. @Jenn-chan: LOL! Yeah, I think I’m the only otaku to blog such long mega-posts on a weekly basis, hehe. Which might explain the results in my upcoming mega-post {wink-wink, nudge-nudge}. Don’t worry, I think I’m twisted enough to catch your winding incoherence, lol.

    Ahh, which login? From my home domain? Haven’t seen “Evangelion” yet? But yeah, there are numerous “backdoors” (don’t tell anyone). But I threw those logins in a while ago, to deter any non-otaku from poking around this eerie often-misunderstood realm of the otaku, lol. Now I don’t worry so much anymore. But maybe I should! ^_^;

    P.S. Haha, I remember Word webpages too! Gahhh, those were so baaad, lol. Today, every is so automated, saveable and editable… Which reminds me, back to composing my next mega-post! >o<;

  3. -facepalm- I haven’t, but I’ve definitely heard of her, so I thought, “Hrm, can’t be right..” — just tried again and realised I’d put caps instinctively in for my previous tries. -_- Why didn’t it occur to me to try in lowercase? Goodness knows.

    Alright, I’m finally going back into my cave to wait for your next post. :)

    Jenn´s last blog post > Maria Holic 5+6 – Lips, Boobs, and a Revelation

  4. @Jenn-chan: Hehehe, is that a Panther-style “facepalm”? Hey, glad u worked it out. Then again, how is CAPS instinctive? Caves aren’t required though, lol. But your “Lips, Boobs, and a Revelation” sounds like one of my post titles!

    P.S. Ahh, working as fast as I can. But it’s tricky keeping my rave-rant balance while all of these Valentine’s Day posts whiz past me from above and below! >_<

  5. Hey, so it does! :D …I just realised, is that a pun with cannon I see in this post’s title? I’m not sure how Panther does facepalm so I’ll just groaaannnn. Heh. :P

    Nah I meant caps like…Watase Yuu, Suzumiya Haruhi, or Matsumoto Kenichi. Not all caps. =)

    Only remembered to post about Valentine’s after I started seeing everyone else’s posts — then I’m like meh. Wouldn’t write about that stuff anyway. XD

    Jenn´s last blog post > Maria Holic 5+6 – Lips, Boobs, and a Revelation

  6. @Jenn-chan: LOL, a pun? Where? Hehe, come on, didn’t u see the “Kanon Gals”? And aren’t pirates always associated with cannons? So yup, a pun, if u want the straight answer, lol.

    Panther groans with his facepalm? Why am I not surprised. Hmmm, those “title type” caps should still work with my login. I believe I included all combinations with and without those starting caps. But maybe not. Ehhh. Wanna be my Quality Assurance tester? ^_^

    P.S. Sorry about the delay! Needed to sleep. So now a few hours later, my new mega-post is ready. Whew.

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