Darth Vader in Soul Calibur 4 | Click to enlarge wallpaper

“I’m taking an awful risk, Vader. This had better work.”
~ Governor Tarkin, Star Wars Episode IV.

Part 1

• Tack [smiling]: Hey Katt! What’s up?
• Katt [lazily]: Hey, not much…
• T: What’s wrong? U sound bummed…
• K: I just visited DannyChoo.com this morning. He had another figure post…
• T: Sounds cool!
• K: …mixed with some of his inspirational wisdom again.
• T [confused]: What’s wrong with that? U like those, don’t u?
• K [nods]: Yeah, I do. Usually I do. But something bugged me this time…
• T: Oh, really?
• K: Yeah…
• T: What’s that?
• K: Well, u know that Cosby quote that Danny always likes to reference?
• T: Oh yeah, something like “…the secret to failure is trying to please everybody.” Yeah?
• K [nods]: Yeah… Actually, it’s pretty similar to that Lincoln quote “… can’t please all of the people all of the time”, yada yada.
• T: Hey, that’s true! So what about it?
• K: Well, I got to thinking about it… If Danny isn’t trying to please everybody, why does he keep on floating his polls and requests for opinions, et cetera. Isn’t he trying to please everyone?
• T [laughs]: No way! Come on, Katt! Wait, you’re talking about his new portal design, right? He’s definitely not doing that.
• K: Are u sure?
• T [nods]: Yeah! He’s just trying to design the best experience for regular and potentially-regular visitors. But not ALL his visitors.
• K: Huh? Potentially regular?
• T: Sure! Why would Danny want to keep new readers who didn’t like figures or anime?
• K: Yeah, that makes sense.
• T: Not only that, if he wanted to please ALL his readers, he’d design his site for IE6, IE5, IE4… But that would be stupid.
• K [nods]: Yeah… Or he could just be lazy, and not make the time to be backward-compatible.
• T: Hahaha, good one. I guess that makes us ALL lazy, hahaha.
• K [laughs]: Hahaha, yeah… I dunno.
• T: What?
• K: It still bugs me.
• T: Really?
  
• K: I dunno. He just keeps mentioning Cosby over and over again. I think I’ve seen it in like 3 or 4 posts now. It’s almost like an excuse or something.
• T [surprised]: Really? I guess I haven’t noticed or minded it so much. Besides, you’ve been a regular reader for ages. Newer readers won’t see it 3 or 4 times.
• K: Yeah, that’s true. But whether new or regular readers see it or not, he still mentions the quote 3 or 4 or however many times. U mention things like that over and over in your blog?
• T: Haha, no I don’t. But I don’t have a bajillion readers either.
• K: But that’s the thing. If Danny’s got bajillion readers already, why does he need to reference Cosby over and over again?
• T [confused]: Huh? U lost me.
• K [sighs]: I guess what I’m saying is… If Danny’s already a success with a bajillion readers, why is he worried about failing to please the 2 or 10 readers who hate him or his design or whatever? Does that make sense?
• T: Ahhh, wait… I think I get it… So when he had only 100 or 1000 readers, he could still worry about failure. But with several million readers, why is he still worrying? He’s already a success. Is that it?
• K: Yeah, I think that’s it.
• T: Hahaha… Well, maybe Danny’s just a sensitive guy, you know?
• K: Haha, yeah, that’s true.
• T: Or maybe… he’s got a different definition of failure and success.
• K: Haha, I wouldn’t be surprised.
• T: I know, me neither.
• K: But hey, listen to this…
• T: What’s that?
• K [thinks]: Okay, if “the secret to failure is trying to please everybody”, then what happens as Danny’s popularity grows and grows, and he pleases more and more readers? Does he get closer to success? Or to failure? Isn’t that a logical contradiction?
• T: Hahaha, holy crap, Katt, I think you’re over-thinking this!
• K: But just think about it. If his success is based on popularity, and at the same time, if his failure is based on popularity, something’s gotta give. Right?
• T [shakes head]: Not necessarily. Like I said, it depends on his definition of “success” and “failure”.
• K: Which is?
• T: Which is? Oh, u mean his definitions?
• K: Yeah.
• T [thinks]: Well, I think we both agree, he seems to be a pretty nice guy. Yeah?
• K: Yeah. Maybe a bit wishy-washy in a few political areas, a few touches of darkness in his childhood, but when it comes to his wife, his friends, his fans, then yeah, definitely a nice guy.
• T [nods]: And because of that, I think he really wants to create a better otaku community… Maybe a more-popular more-respectable otaku culture. Yeah?
• K: I think so.
• T: Well, then his definition of “success” would be like… Maybe like…
• K [laughs]: Isn’t easy, is it?
• T [laughs]: Not really… Well, assuming it’s not simply popularity, which would be sad, my guess is…
• K: Yeah?
• T: Probably just… getting as many otaku like himself as he can… to enjoy figures and anime and otaku culture as much as HE does.
• K [surprised]: Wow… I mean, wow.
• T: What? What is it?
• K: I think that’s basically it. I think u might be right for a change.
• T: What!?! For a change?
• K: Problem is…
• T [sighs]: Oh no, not again.
• K: Problem is, there’s no end in sight. This “success” will keep on spiraling, gaining more and more otaku, as long as he continues to enjoy it, forever.
• T: There’s nothing wrong with…
• K: Like an addiction.
• T: Oh, come on! You’re not serious, are u?
• K: Who knows? I’m just saying…
• T [sighs]: Look, forget about this “addiction” crap. If we assume this is Danny’s definition for “success”, has he achieved “success”?
• K: Yup, no question. But…
• T: Oh no.
• K: …he’ll probably want to top his “success” with each new month, each new quarter, each new year.
• T: So will that lead him closer to “failure”, according to Cosby?
• K: Yup, no question. But…
• T: Not again.
• K: …now u gotta ask yourself: What was Bill Cosby’s definition of “success”?
• T: Oh man, I’m leaving.
• K: Did Cosby himself succeed?
• T [gets up]: I said I’m leaving.
• K: Or did Cosby ultimately fail?
• T [leaves]: See ya, Katt.
• K [whispers to himself]: Over-thinking? Who’s over-thinking?

• Jimi [points]: I think you’re both wrong.
• K [surprised]: Oh shit! Where’d u come from?
• Jimi: Huh? I was sitting right there. U just didn’t realize it. As usual.
• K: Yeah, whatever.
• Jimi: Hmmm, wasn’t Tack here a second ago?
• T [runs back, blushes]: I’m here! I’m here! Hey Jimi.
• Jimi: Hey Tack.
• K [annoyed]: Christ, are u cosplaying again?
• Jimi [sighs]: Why do guys always ask me that? Just because I’m wearing cat-ears doesn’t mean I’m cosplaying. I just couldn’t find my other hair-band, okay?
• K: And the mini-skirt?
• Jimi: So now I can’t wear a mini-skirt? It’s the only thing that matched my outfit. Jeez!
• T [blushes]: I think it’s cute.
• Jimi: Thank u, Tack. I think so too.
• K: Wait a second.
• T and Jimi: What?
• K: You said we’re “both wrong”? How’s that?
• T: Both wrong about what?
• K: She said we’re both wrong about Danny. Right?
• Jimi: Exactly.
• T: What? How can we be BOTH wrong?
• Jimi: Because I’m right.
• K and T [look at each other]: Huh? Explanation please?

End of Part 1

The views of Tack, Katt and Jimi don’t necessarily reflect the views of xJAYMANx, Danny Choo, or any specific otaku. But I’m sure some of them are out there, lol.