Mara Trinity Scully > Variations on a Theme

Variations on a Theme

And [Eoywn] answered: ď...But I am of the House of Eorl and not a serving-woman. I can ride and wield blade, and I do not fear either pain or death.Ē

ďWhat do you fear, lady?Ē [Aragorn] asked.

ďA cage,Ē she said.

I just wanna be a woman.

I move away from her, slowly to let her know that I will not leave her. I cannot leave her like this.

I donít understand. Trinity, what happened. I ask. Morpheus told me you had a message. From Zion.

I want to hold her, I want to tell her everything will be okay.

What was it, Trinity? What did they send you? I break my gaze to stare at the floor, I canít stand this angst. I want it over. I want to know the problem. I can fix it. I can fix anything.

Tell me. Tell me what you read, what you found out. I have to resist from shouting, the quiet intensity of the room is almost boiling over. I canít stand it. I want to reach down and pick her up onto her feet and shake her, forcing her to tell me what is wrong. But I canít do that. I canít do anything but wait for her to let me know.

This startles me. I havenít thought of my mother...I mean, the mother the Matrix gave me in years.

I close my eyes and smell the air. Vanilla. That was my motherís smell. A nutty vanilla smell. Her eyes were alive and vibrant. Green/brown eyes. Intoxicating. She had dark hair, brown hair in magnificent waves. Pale skin and red lips. She was Snow White, my mother, beautiful Snow White. Her mouth was always in a smirk. But her face was kind, loving. She wore red as often as she could. I remember a particular crimson dress she owned. It was a party dress. She would go upstairs to my room and smile at me. I would nuzzle my face in her embrace, loving the softness of that dress. Then she would leave me with my nurse and I wouldnít see her for days. I always thought she was a queen when I was that small. A queen who had people to rule and control. She never had enough time for her princeling, as she called me, but she always loved me. I knew that.

I finally speak. She was a beautiful woman. Always laughing. A sweet merry laugh. Itís strange, I havenít thought of her since...Her name was Michelle. Michelle Anderson. She was a lawyer and a incredible woman of great personal strength.

I remember. I never heard from him again. He left me money, he left me his name. And he left me her body. And the baby. I buried them alone...I suppose his disappearance was one of the few glitches in the Matrix where they delete a person by accident.

Point taken. Why do you ask? Have you heard anything about them?

Then what is it that is torturing you. What is it that has you racked in pain. And what can I do...

Wait. Wait. What are you talking about? I donít understand. I feel helpless.

Her pain, her anguish refuels my anger for the machines. We are marred. We are not whole. There are countless other examples of where the mass production of the field grown humans screwed up on the vital organs, bone structure, body mass, and so on. But I had never thought of this before. I never thought of Trinity as...barren...and without hope...

You are a woman, Trinity.

Let me fill you. Itís on the tip of my tongue. Let me fill you Trinity. With my light.

I think back to the old times. I remember reaching to my own mother, hold me hold me before you go momma hold me. I want to hold you my darling but I have to go...itís my time...She wanted to hold me but something held her back until I touched her hand...

My eyes are closed, my fists are clenched, my mind buzzes. I am helpless. I cannot save her.

The loneliness and the pain hits me hard in the chest. I love her and sheís out of my reach. There is nothing to do but hold her...

My eyes fling open.

Eyes are staring into mine, dark hair surrounds the face. It takes me a moment to drink the image in. Trinity.

I move away and sit down a few feet away from her. I can smell her pain down her. Itís bitter and harsh. There is something else.

And they were positive.

I tell her I love you. This doesnít change how much I love you.

I wait. I wait, listening to breathing, listening to my heart beat, listening to the mild hum of the ship. Listening to the agony in the air.

Finally. Let me hold you.

What strength I have, let it pass to you.

You donít need me to make you whole. And you are everything. You are.

End of Transmission

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