The Green Curtain
Caught abandoned on a street -- concrete scratches your face,
deepens the wound. The green curtain pulls you down.
Here is my hand
to help you up
(though you may not want it
you don’t want what you need
and I am what you need)
Delve deeper into that fear of yours, that which only you can break:
Let me follow you in
Let me in to hold you.
You will be scared forever, but I’ll hold you as you are,
For I am as you are:
Scared.
I cannot change the fear of pain. The lack of trust.
But I can try.
If you would let me, I will try.
Let me.
Touch you.
Hold you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Try to give you what you need.
If I call, will you answer? I am calling you now
not with words.
(never with words)
Feel you tense up. Rigid.
What is it?
Pain. Fear of pain. Still there.
And I understand.
You don’t want to get hurt.
I won’t hurt you.
Don’t you trust me?
You do.
And I whisper:
“Don’t shut me out, Trinity. Not when we’re alone.”
Whispers in silence, absence of voices
But you listen
to my pleading
and you hear
my unspoken words
and you answer
my call:
“Never when we’re alone.”
The fear grips your mind
but I hold your heart
and I won’t let it go
just don’t push me away.
Promise me
the only way you know how
with a mouth
that does not smile
and with eyes
that do not laugh.
Promise me
with all of you
and you need not smile
and you need not laugh
and I will understand.
Now.
Let me touch you.
to let you know
I care
to let you know
I want to comfort you
to let you know
that I exist
in a world
where you don’t need
to exist alone
to let you know
that I am here
right next to you
ready
willing
eager
to touch you.
And you touch me back.
Now.
Let me hold you.
Encircle your form
with my arms, weak yet strong
and my hand shakes
suspended in the air
in a pause
as my voice quivers
and I ask:
“May I...?”
You slide into place
with one nod
with movements so fluid
and I remember
I’ve seen that grace once
and I marvelled at your beauty
then
and I recall each motion
now
swift
calculated
certain
strong
defiant
perfect
and your hands
gripped iron
on pavement made hard --not real
and your skin
collided, the impact full force
with glass made smooth --not real
and those actions
were for my safety
for my life
for me
But you did not let me touch you then
behind the green curtain
always the green curtain.
But you do
here
now
for you feel
as i feel
and you are
as I am
--real
Skin against skin
rest yourself against me
and I will keep still
and I will not move
Now.
Let me kiss you.
The distance between us
measured
not by inches
but by acceptance
and though our lips
are but a breath apart
you are far from me
and I from you
Your eyes
tainted blue
pale with fright
that you try not to show
that you try to hide
when you don’t need to
that you don’t reveal
but it shows
that you pretend
does not exist
but it does
Not yet ready
for it all
but I wait
because I understand
I watch your eyes
with mine
until the glint
of uncertainty
of hesitance
of caution
fades.
And I lean in
for a kiss.
No longer distant,
gap closed
by your trust,
out lips meet
and they move
and they search
Slowly.
heat rushes
light dims
hearts beat
pulses race
seconds pass
grips tighten
fear subsides
trust grows
Faster now.
fingers running
in my hair
and yours
breathing, ragged
in gasps
colored with moans
muffled and faint
that can be heard
but just barely
under sheets so thin
on a mattress worn
in the hollow chill
of an empty void
our arms tangle
as do our legs
as do our bodies
as do our souls.
with desire
with passion
with a need
so strong
And we know
--you and I
that your fear
is still there
and that soon
this will pierce us
deep
This will tear at us
--you and I
until our minds
scream for release
and our hearts
break
into small
irreplaceable pieces,
upon the dust
and the rock,
to be buried
in the barren subterranean wasteland,
along with the living
But our faith
-- yours amd mine
battles the fear
drowns the pain
You will hurt
and so will I
and we cannot change that
But we don’t want to
for it shows us that we are real
we are as the other
we are with the other
we feel
beyond the green curtain
I am as you are
and I feel what you do
and I am with you
and you are too
Now.
Let me love you, I say.
You answer:
“I already have..”
END