The Wild Ones
Climbed over mountains
Travelled the sea
Cast down off heaven
Cast down on my knees
I've lain with the devil
Cursed god above
Forsaken heaven
To bring you my love
- "To Bring You My Love", PJ Harvey
Sometimes, the number of seconds between the moment something unexpected but highly anticipated happens and the moment you act on it is a good way of measuring how much you care. Your degree of involvement, if you will. It is timing the journey of electrical signals through your body, or maybe something that proves a deeper connection, not entirely chemical. All depends on how you choose to look at it. All depends on where you are, who you're with, and what you enjoy being controlled by.
I used to say that I wanted to be in control over myself, my life. Right now, I'm so grateful that I'm not. In this case, like so many times before, I choose to believe that the neuro-signals are part of that big, ever astonishing, sweeping flash inside me that I like to call beatific. I - we - have no need for God, no need for anybody else's higher power, as long as we have this. I know she feels it too, and I'm positive that she agrees.
It takes me a few seconds to sense her presence in the temple, as if somehow the magnificent stone cave itself taps my shoulder and tells me that she is here. A few more to turn around, let my eyes sweep across the entrance until I see her, and bolt, away from the conversation I've half-heartedly been holding with the daughter of some Council big-shot. After that, time speeds up as I rush toward her, and in a total of ten seconds maximum my hands finally meet her waist, lightly clutching the sheer fabric that is a wall between her skin and mine, longingly kissing the lips I've missed. So much. Her arms around my shoulders, tightly. Ten seconds for my nervous system to react, to tell my brain to tell my body to do everything in my power to be close to Trinity. Ten seconds to show that I care. I do indeed. The very notion of her near me already had me half hard in an instant. Right now, I'd want nothing more than to go beyond caring.
My fingers continue rubbing the spots below her ribs that I know to be so sensitive. The touch as we break the kiss makes her tremble against me slightly, drawing herself closer. Gazes lock, her eyes piercing mine, and I see in them that, oh yes, she cares just as much as I do, and would not mind going beyond caring. That's good. Now, let me hear you speak.
"I missed you", I breathe, knowing full well that neither my body nor my voice manage to do a very good job of concealing the fact. She presses her hips into mine, barely grinning, and runs her gorgeously abrasive fingertips down one arm, halting to grip me by the wrist.
"I can tell". Simply hearing that fairly mischievous, warm sound makes the blood rush again, both to my head and in the opposite direction all at once. Frustration wells up. As much as I love the playful side of you, Trinity, I'd much rather get the fuck out of here this instant and...be with you, around you and in you for the next five hours or so.
Casting a glance towards the large crowd, wishing all those people gone:
"I was thinking" - and her hands tighten their grip in sync with mine - "everyone is here..."
I am rewarded with the bright, brilliant smile of a goddess. A twitch of a moist upper lip. An intent look. "Follow me".
She turns halfway in my arms, tightly holding my wrist between her fingers, leading me out of the temple - I have a strong urge to turn around and stick my tongue out to the crowd. I would have, hadn't all these feelings and needs suddenly surfaced. Keeping close to her, nearly hidden behind her back, I hope that nobody whom it doesn't concern notices the state of me, one that can only be described as a ridiculously obvious bulge in my pants. If Trinity notices, I don't mind. Still, I don't really give a shit. This is us. Trinity's palm is hot, steps determined, breath even. I'm stumbling beside her down the temple hallway. Even my Adam's apple and the pads of my heels tingle.
Another cave, another corridor, another sensation of her slowing her pace slightly and brushing up against me. She knows what this is doing to me, and yet keeps it up. Tease...fucking TEASE. Not that I mind. My mind is in a tug-of-war with itself, at once wanting both to stop time and speed it up, both freeze this moment and teleport us to our room this very instant. This is good agony, one I haven't quite allowed myself to feel in a while, having had a job to do. One that I will love forever. I catch myself feeling like a pubescent boy, then realise that no, that's not right. With us, every time is special.
We walk through a maze of wires, steel, stone. Even outside the temple, the tunnel is alive with dancing bodies and we are pushing our way through groups of friends, families, lovers. As much as I know that these are the people we fight for, tonight, we are not fighters. Tonight we, Trinity and I, are the lovers, and we will be together and never stop. Tonight I can allow myself to forget the seriousness of the situation. And no matter how much she wants to wind me up until I break down in a little pool of lust and plead to her, I won't succumb to that. No no no, she wants to play that game, so be it.
Very eager to leave the party, Trinity has moved behind me, manoeuvring my movements by holding on to my waist. I pat her hand in place, glancing back at her as she starts moving forward. Anticipation wells up as I wait to welcome the kiss. But no, face in level with my shoulder, she half-whispers, half-grins:
"Nice marching, soldier." Eyes shining, mischievous, and I feel the slight pressure of fingertips running down my lower back before - oh Christ - pinching my right buttock. Noticing, probably by my jaw dropping and the idiotic look on my face, what this does to me, the grin widens and she pats my behind. "Alright, soldier, let's move."
Hell, how'd she get like this? Not that I am complaining - gathering enough brain cells to control my body, I take her hand and speed up the brisk walk into a slow run. We are finally at the end of the temple tunnel, now facing a broad bridge, one of many avenues in Zion. Nobody in sight. Great. Time to -- but she is too fast for me, and before I can make my move, Trinity already has one hand firmly pressed to my chest, backing me into the rough stone wall at the very end of the tunnel. Protruding from the surface, pieces of rock dig into my back, while the strong fingers I cannot stop marvelling at assault my torso. Light pressure, then harder, and I move up to cup her head, drawing her in, momentarily noticing that the mischievous sparkle in Trinity's eyes has changed a little. Ragged breath kind of gives it away too.
And we kiss. With the entire range of emotions within me, I kiss her. This is the kind of kiss we'd rather not show off in public, never on the Neb. But here, chastity can go straight to hell and leave us alone. Anything's fine, as long as this lasts. Her tongue is a welcome presence in my mouth, probing and seeking out mine, giving away her intentions and wishes more articulately than words ever could. Sweet fuck, have I ever concurred more? But first things first. I know exactly what distracts her - sucking lightly on her tongue, I slowly end the kiss. Haven't said a word in a good while.
"Race you to the elevator", I manage teasingly. The primary goal tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is to gain dominance briefly - and then give Trinity anything she wants, anything at all. But once again, she proves difficult to beat.
"Nah. I'm your superior, remember?" With that, she pulls me away from the wall, and holding on to my shoulders - those hands, so strong and gentle and everything else at once, miracles of nature - allows me to cup my hands around her buttocks and draw her up, feeling her legs wrap around my waist, the material of her dress now covering both our bodies almost like a sheer, beautiful blanket. I had almost forgotten about my obvious state of arousal, while it's clear that Trinity hasn't, grinding pelvis against my nearly painful erection. "Mm-hm?", comes the breath in my ear. Tongue snakes out to dip briefly into the shell, a hand tangling in my hair, and she yanks my head up to meet her gaze. Teasing, yes, but more and more glazed over with the obvious want, need, lust. A grinning face gives me the sign, and I start walking towards the elevator at the other end of the deserted avenue, clutching at her rear with one hand, the other one slowly running over her beautiful, strong back. Her mouth resumes its examination of my neck-and-ear area. I already have to use my full concentration not to fall over and this isn't helping. Room. Now. Mm-fucking-hm.
I’m finding it rather difficult to walk and move my hands at once, but it's obvious that my attempted massage of her lower back and the muscles of her ass succeed at making Trinity want more. The avenue is a market street and as we pass a stall that sells blankets - brightly colored, soft looking ones, a luxury for us who work on ships - the desire to lay her down on them and continue my mission right here, right now strikes me briefly. But as inviting and sexy that idea is, it could certainly prove rather embarrassing. Trinity seems oblivious to everything in the world except my neck, then ear, then jaw and finally, shifting up quickly, my lips. I have to stop and stand, legs wide not to fall. She is fierce, claiming my mouth without so much as a glance to see where we are. It seems impossible to be closer than this, and I oblige willingly as five digits dig themselves into the back of my head, forcing our faces together. Hard and soft melt together as our teeth clash, her upper lip sliding in underneath mine, tongue stabbing mine violently. The slightly painful pressure of a finger on the plug in my head only adds to the pleasure. Again and again and again, there is no such thing as getting enough.
Pulling away for a fraction of a second, I see that Trinity's eyes are tightly shut. I marvel at the sight, the furrowed brow that is creased with tense lust, a world apart from the usual worry and concentration. We are so not on duty. Before I know it, I am being pulled in, this time to have my lips licked, nipped and breathed at, before the kiss starts again, like it was never broken. I notice that I've unconsciously started bucking my hips into hers, the pressure and heat in my body radiating outwards, getting the reply I hope for - rhythmic rubs of her pelvis and inner thighs against me. Her quiet moans are drowned in the kiss and the sound of my own heartbeat, pumping away in my ears. Ohhh.
And then the moment is over, the dream shatters. Something inside me tells me to scan the surroundings and out of the corner of my eye, I see two figures emerging from a room much too close to the elevator, and to us. As Trinity and I are in the middle of the deserted street, we are...entirely too easy to spot. Sinking into the ground seems like a very nice thing as one of the strangers, a middle aged woman, and I momentarily make eye contact. She's seen us. Our state is far from chaste. And shit, she's got a kid with her, a girl who can't be older than ten. Congratulations, you've just succeeded in letting a child see something she isn't ready for, not in a decade yet.
I panic suddenly, losing my grip on Trinity and she starts sliding down my legs. She wobbles slightly as her feet reach the pavement, and still clutching my shoulders she looks up at me questioningly. She notices my fluttering eyes and reaches up to my neck with a trembling hand. Breathing heavily, lips swollen, eyes glazed, to a stranger we probably look like a couple moments away from ripping each others clothes off. And we are.
"What?", I hear Trinity's voice. It's low and husky, practically screaming in my ears, screaming "sex". I move to hold her by the waist, murmuring into a hot ear.
"People...eight o'clock. Just act calm" - and she chuckles, letting me know how ridiculously impossible that suggestion is. "We can go up in the elevator with them, save time. Just...act normal". At the last words, I let the tip of my tongue brush her ear. The suggestion is appreciated, my hand is clasped. She clears her throat, brushes through messy hair. The veins on the inside of her wrist are swollen, giving away her body temperature. I bring the hand up to my lips and kiss the wrist. She smiles.
We walk briskly towards the elevator, trying to pretend that our faces aren't flushed, hair not wild, body language not oozing sexual energy. The woman and the child, her granddaughter perhaps, reach the elevator a moment before us. We are silent. We wait. The woman cannot hide the fact that she is compelled to glance at Trinity and me, the way we look. You wouldn't believe how happy I am that she doesn't recognise me. While the people of Zion shouldn't really know what I look like - I've always refused to appear at gatherings of any kind - somehow they always do. I don't need that right now, or ever, but especially not right now.
Trinity turns slightly to her and smiles, trying to break the awkward tension. She gets a small twitch of lips from the woman, who looks both angry and delighted at the shameless display of love and want she witnessed earlier.
"Good evening", the woman says in an indefinable voice. "I thought everyone in the city would be in the temple dancing at this hour." Her eyes seem to say that oh, does she know why we aren't there. I just smile, trying to look friendly and together.
"Yes", says Trinity, her voice even and confident, "yes, almost everyone. People seem very relaxed tonight". I feel her squeeze my hand, reassuring me. We'll be alone again soon, and relax our own way. The little girl looks up at me, a question in her eyes. Maybe she's wondering where we're going. That'd be home. Or why our clothes are rumpled. Or - oh FUCK! I realise that I am still hard, the extent of it. This is not good, and I quickly let go of Trinity's hand, instead gripping her shoulders and moving discreetly to stand behind her. Puzzled at first, she quickly understands why and grins quickly, subtly. And with that, the elevator doors open and we step inside smoothly after the woman and girl, like we are one body, one person.
It strikes me how well this works as foreplay - not being allowed to touch your lover the way you want to when you need it most, you're bound to be incredibly turned on by the time the touching resumes. Then I realise that I don't give a shit if it works, we've been through this exact same situation too many times in the past few days to have the patience to endure it again. I want Trinity and I want her now. She wants me too, I can tell by the way she scratches her palms with exquisite strong fingers, wiping sweat off her hands on the sides of her gorgeous dress. Well, I'd rather see it drop to the floor, but it is gorgeous. Her hands are itching, she needs this. Passing floor after floor, we go up. I am having a very hard time containing myself. Finally, the elevator stops. After a few seconds, my brain screams at me that this is our stop, not theirs. We made it. We are here. As I step out behind her, this woman who loves me and wants me and is more real than anything I have felt in my entire life, the little girl in the elevator catches my eyes, smiling at us. I hope that one day she will get to experience something like this. I don't even begin to think about the possibility that that day might never come.
The elevator doors close and I try to reach for her with a desperate need to continue what we had to stop. But Trinity has something else in mind, namely getting to our room. With me in tow, she sets a fast pace. There is no hesitation on her part. Right then, I'll let you be in control for a while. Before I know it, she is twisting the wheel, forcing the door open...and it seems to me that this time around, it opens more willingly than usual. Even the door knows what we're up to. That is what I would call painfully obvious.
Hardly has the door closed behind us before her hands are on me. And there is no time to be subtle, she grabs me by the waistband of my pants, shoving hands inside and palms come to rest on my buttocks. There is a squeeze and a pull forward and I’m pressed against her, nose buried in her hair. I inhale her scent, hot and sweaty. She smells of racing heart, dilated pupils and ragged breath. She smells of prickly skin and moist inner thighs. Most importantly, she smells of herself. I love it. I kiss the crown of her head, holding on ever more tightly. And then, again, a pinch.
"No underwear, huh? Very sexy."
I grin at the observation, then shiver as the hardness of the squeeze is exchanged for a feathery soft touch, fingertips caressing my ass and hips inside the thin fabric I am wearing. Trinity's face, rimmed with beads of sweat and flushed cheeks, is so delicious my mouth is literally watering.
Instinctively, we crash together in a kiss; slow, wet and urging. I can't resist Trinity's leg rubbing against the outside of mine. The friction of the silky material of her dress and my rough slob-pants quickly spreads through my body and I must, I just must touch, stroke and feel. So I run my palms, sticky with sweat and desire, down the sides of her legs, making the muscles beneath synthetic silk and soft skin tighten, moving softly, adding to the intense sexiness of it all. Reaching the hem, I allow hands to linger, tickling. And then up they go, underneath the dress and I can't remember when I was last this turned on, although it was probably yesterday...or ten minutes ago. Up, and up, and up to her hips, which are now moving, movement resembling horizontal figure eights. Shape of eternity, I think, inwards chuckling at the cheesiness of the thought. Hips, the bones jutting slightly, the motion, soft skin, the slight goose bumps...and no underwear here either.
I nip at her bottom lip, a wet tongue snaking out to trace my top one. "Nor you", I murmur, rubbing fingers into soft flesh at the joint between pelvic bone and femur, "great minds think alike...".
One step back, two three stumbles, driven by a forceful shove of determined hands, and I'm pinned down in the battered armchair by the door. My body gives up and I slide further down into it, revelling in the softness of the blankets under me and the sensually moving body on top of me. Trinity's hands are everywhere, I have a hard time keeping up with the touches; all from the light touch to my hair, fingers dancing down my face, to the same fingers pressing hard, gripping my shirt. She's too frantic, too desperate to succeed in yanking it up by holding on to the collar. I chuckle, study her face - eyes fluttering all over me, biting her lip in frustration. Also, she has started rolling her hips again, erratic movements. This one needs a bit of assistance. I grab her by the wrists, an intent stare forcing her to meet my eyes, blue pools moving as in awake REM-sleep. I've got her right where I want her. Lowering hands, still in my grip, down to the hem of the scruffy grey knit I'm wearing, she nudges herself forward enough for her inner thigh to slide briefly against my erection, urging a stuttered, surprised gasp. This is indeed growing increasingly uncomfortable, but I stop caring completely when I feel her lifting my top up, and I finish the job by nearly ripping it off, hurling it across the room. Her hands come to rest below my navel, feather light caresses, teasing tickles. Lips are on my chest, nipping lightly. Between them, the lips and hands and the scent I inhale from dark mess of hair create something that I'm certain is going to make me come here and now if I don't do anything. I shift.
"Trinity", I breathe, leaning her backward slightly, one hand fumbling blindly for the knot on her back that holds her dress together. "Trinity...I'm in love", I breathe against her mouth, loving the sensation of sheer material against my bare chest. Of powerful fingers running over my bare back. I find the knot and begin pulling on it, wishing the dress gone.
Our breaths mingle, tongues flicking out just slightly to meet. "Yeah?", comes a husky voice. "Anyone I know...Neo?", teasingly, and the last word is breathed, making my entire being shudder in pleasure. Trinity lets me lap my own name from her lips, and then she pulls away, raising herself up on her knees, deliberately pushing my head in between her breasts as she kisses the top of my head and silently urges me to get the dress off.
"Yeah, I think you know her...very well actually", I mumble into soft skin, licking at it, feeling tiny hairs moist with sweat against my tongue. "She's all I ever think about...always...all of her." A shift of my hands on her waist send her swaying slightly until she is kneeling before and above me, back arching into the touch. The knot comes undone, layers of silkiness separating, the fabric rippling under my fingers as I draw apart the front, pleased at hearing her satisfied sigh upon release from the frustrating barrier between us. But this isn't over yet, not by a mile.
More silkiness, and yet more of it. The body cannot live without the mind, or some shit like that. Seems so distant now. But I’m positive that my mind would die without this, without this body. All I can do is sit back and marvel. Trinity lets me drink herself in with my eyes, the smile playing across her lips lets me know how much she enjoys it - slowly she raises her hands to shoulders, hooking forefingers under the dress, again making it sway. With painful slowness, she drags it off her shoulders, exposing every inch of herself to me.
Naked skin, inviting skin, curves, soft hairs raised on arms and legs, slight goose flesh, beads of sweat...and that smile again, the you-think-you-can-handle-this smile. I black out for about a second, and next thing I know I have sat her firmly down on top of me, pressing sloppy, wet kisses to her breasts, not even bothering to take it slow. Even faster, our faces are in level, and Trinity grins at me, wiping away the saliva on my lips. She doesn't get far. Her first two fingers are in my mouth, sucked in, stroked eagerly by my tongue. The ones that aren't, are lightly running up and down each of my cheeks. She gasps.
And moans sharply, nearly cries out, as she becomes aware of my first two fingers caressing the hot softness between her legs. Holding her close, impossibly close, I go on stroking, teasing and lightly fondling everything; from the soft, swollen pink flesh forming a beautiful maze of folds that I'll never grow tired of exploring, to the tiny knob that, stimulated efficiently, is going to make her explode. I know what she is like when she does that, I've seen her uncountable times. It’s a beautiful sight, one that always brings me tranquillity and pure, unabashed pleasure. My favourite thing in the world, in fact, is pleasing Trinity, making her come, loving her. My fingers keep slipping around in the wet, electrically charged maze of her, thumb circling her clitoris as her breath tickles my ear, moans gradually coming faster and louder. She trembles against me...and I feel her slick, rough palm move firmly down my chest, past my stomach, down the front of my slacks, which by this point are hopelessly stretched. With my rubbing, and Trinity's delicate strokes, we both groan simultaneously. Stroking, pulling at the solid, hard flesh of my shaft, she leans forward to crush out mouths together. Briefly. She pins my eyes with hers, then, and hisses: "Now." After that -
- I have left Trinity writhing, bucking on the bed, in search of a lighter. My curses and naked desperation allow her laugh to echo in the room and I melt -
- I can't escape her hands as I light the candles that line our bed. She is behind me, reaching for me, groping me madly, blindly as I try to focus. I fail, burning my fingers on the flame repeatedly, but do not care as she pulls me to her -
- down and down, perfectly horizontal. She cradles me in the crook of her hip. We caress and are caressed in return-
- and we let it all out, melt together in the golden glow of candle light, and all I see is the glitter of her - eyes, wet mouth, sweaty skin and...metallic plugs. Her legs around me, heels pressing into my back. Arching into her touch, randomly kissing at whatever I can reach, I fail to determine where her skin ends and mine begins -
- she lets out a shaky, loud breath as I enter her, head thrashing under me, fingertips digging into the back of my neck, hard. The urge to move is mutual. I moan and gasp in turn as her muscles clamp around me. She builds herself around me -
- dangerously close to the edge, now, and Trinity is trying to stifle her cries. Must be on reflex, instinct...but we are so not on duty now. "Let it out, Trinity", I gasp into her ear, "all out...come on", kissing ear and neck and collarbone and pulling myself up, afraid that I will miss seeing her face -
- Trinity comes with a loud cry, gasps, moans, her entire body jerking back and forth. And I follow, though I barely notice my release. But then, something flashes. I have seen this face before. Mouth slightly open, eyes too far away to make contact, energy drained. This is a look of complete pleasure, of love...or of...No. Oh no, not again -
"Neo, what is it?" There is such concern in her voice. "What's wrong? It's OK, you can tell me". Such care, such love.
No words come out of my mouth, I just want to pull her into me, shield both of us from everything. But reality comes crashing down. There is no bliss.
All I manage - "Trinity...". Staring into her eyes.
"Don't be afraid", her firm voice in my ears, firm hands on my face, brow furrowing with the usual worry this time. I give up. I love you.
"I can't lose you". And it is true, it’s all I'm thinking. My head is pounding. I might cry.
She looks like she might, too. "You're not going to lose me", she says, softly and firmly and every other adverb I have ever used to describe her. Trinity. "You feel this? I'm never letting go". Clasping my hand, entwining fingers. Beautiful, so beautiful.
I reach for her, and the embrace is more than merely that - she will always do this for me, keep me safe. Trinity is never letting to. I believe her. Neither am I.
There really is no need for a God as long as we have this.
END